Metro Maniacs - Metro Man-yucks

Heyya...

well...its taking a hell lot more tym than i thot it wud in structuring these maniacs....its jst lyk u hav got a season of episodes ready to be aired on tv, bt are nt able to decide which one to go in first. same is the scene here...many incomplete and uncensored are lying here n there scattered in my mail draft box, mobile draft box, brain draft box..(wish dre were sum in demand draft box for me... ;p) it seems draw of lots d best option to pick, complete, edit n post.

so here we are this time, talking bout MAN as in human being in general and not any gender biases...! so how does a man i.e. human being behaves when suddenly public transport becomes sophisticated, sumwat comfortable, air conditioned...i say...its js lyk buying a new gadget, gizmo...initially u wil take xtreme gud care...lamination karaoge...scratch guard lagaoge....cover mein daaloge...bt fir dheere dheere...ek scratch padega...fir do...fir aur aane do...ki farak penda hai...!!! den u wil js keep it anywhre...dhoool padegi uspe...galti se sabzi bhi giregi uspe...etcc etccc. metro bhi ab it seems scratch wali stage cross karne wali hai. so lemme jst bring on the characters in diff categories as we go ahead...

SpitsVilla : here we have men trying to make delhi metro a long lost sibling of dilli ki buses and mumbai ki local. there is no particular lead actor here but bhaiya from our previous post leads the charts. it seems kaafi der se unko baandh ke rakha hua tha metro mein thookne se...now they have jst broken thru, ab nahi raha jaata...!! ;p  here r a few styles they choose, Olympic Spit - metro and platform ke beech wala gap, saalon ka aim to dekho, archery fail ho jayegi. Pigeon Spit - metro platform se neeche road pe....speed, distance, time ki perfect application. there are many more spits but usse zada imp aur categories hain.

Pisstol : here is one thing that i wud neva neva neva have imagined, even in buses or local or anywhre...bt this bhaiya (specifically) has left his mark here too...jo metro ke dabbe ke beech joint hota hai naa...wahan pe bhaiya ne apne bachche ko susu karaya....bhari metro mein din dahade....itne gawahon ke saamne...judge sahab..!....main hota na wahan to sahi mein ya to rakh ke deta usko kaan ke neeche ya complaint karta zarooooor....bloody hell f#4*er....(this incident is aankhon dekhi by my ofc colleague, reported by me)

Mygration : sarkar ne kaha pehla dabba chod do...old unkle ne kaha mere liye seat chod do...dmrc ne kaha pehle chadhna chod do...ab tume kehte ho ki station aane se pehle chalna bhi chod dun...(devdas style)... this above dialog is perfectly suited for many ppl traveling daily, both males n females. i ve been observing this for past 1.5 mnth, saala last stop aane se pehle hi log metro mein aage se peeche ki taraf chalna strt ho jaate hain...and for only one reason, pichla door escalators ke paas aata hai. hadh hai...n iss walk ki strt karti hain females jo ki pehle dabbe mein reserved hain to last dabbe mein jana strt ho jaati hain, den we see many men also doing the same, and den as the metro doors open, they all rush towards the escalators and create a jam dre and i can easly catch them wen i reach the stairs as they r stil walking baby steps batao kya fayda hua, metro walk mein hi chale jaate...kuch fun to hota.

final category of the post,

Pushkar Mela : the name has already given away all the info i guess...so main to itna hi kahunga...metro mein jitne marzr dabbe laga lo...jitni marzi seating badha lo...jab tak logon mein basic common sense nahi aayegi ghanta kuch ni sudharne wala...! and i can give this in writing. old se old unkle jo seat ke liye puppy eyes wali shakal banayege....seat pakadne ke liye aise bhaagte hain jaise ki bas agar u come in his way...and uski elbow aapko lagi to 1-2 rib fracture to pakki hain..!! bade bade unkle aunty...seat ke liye aise ladte hain jaise hum chutpann mein skool bus mein ladte the window seat ke liye. hadh hai hadh.....

ab maana never let the kid in you die but dont be a kid that results in the death of the adult...

P.S. - NO DISCLAIMER....i m not afraid or ashamed of mentioning any of this here (waise bhi padhne bhi kon wala hai ;p)

Metro Maniacs - War of Dj'z

hey readers....this is a series i m starting (hopefully it wil last longer than the word "series" atleast)

We begin by two of the most infamous characters we find in the Delhi transport system...be it DTC or Metro.

Haryana ka Jaat & Bihar ka Bhaiya

A chilly winter night...cool breeeze blowing thru ur clothes occasionally making u nt shiver bt jst tingle for a fraction of second. u enter the underground metro station...its warm in here... waiting for the metro u hav chkd out al the gals around if dre any at this hour...scanned all d ads put up on the billboards...and keeping a constant eye on the clock staring at ur face showing the remaining time for the next metro...n den u feel the breeze that precedes the incoming metro..n u anticipate ki yeh 4 wali metro hai ya 6 wali....bt u have no choice n u enter...

most of the compartments are khaali...so u pick d one at d end and sit comfortably.

HOLD..... before i badho aage....lemme introduce d characters....as in some of their traits....

Jaat n Bhaiya....both have usually a volume decible level higher than any other u mite have an encounter with. wen dey speak dey make it sure ki apart from the person they are talkin to...every other living n non-living being in their vicinity can hear them...

Both Jaat n Bhaiya have their national outfit....commonly a shirt and a trouser....bt as the fashion trends are changing so are they...Jaats at a much faster rate than Bhaiyas... u wil stil find most Bhaiyas in a Bel-bottoms wali pant and a full sleeves wali shirt with cuff buttons band and the shirt never tucked in.

In both their cases....u can take out a Jaat from Haryana and a Bhaiya from Bihar BUT...never...never Harayana from a Jaat and Bihar from a Bhaiya....the moment they use their tongues u get to knw. full stop.

Now u have got a fair idea of the characters...so lets place them in the whole scene and lets see how the story unfurls. 

So, u are seated in metro...n as the metro strts to leave the station...u luk around and u notice ki on ur left is a Jaat n on ur right is a Bhaiya... nothing imp to give a even a second thot. the train moves...and suddenly u hear a song "Ik pal ka jeena" from the muvie "Kaho na pyaar hai" and the Jaat is the one playin it on his fone. ok u have nothing else to do so ur attention is diverted to the song....a moment later u hear the song "Faltu" from the muvie "Faltu" from ur right...n u cn see its d Bhaiya on his Chinese fone wid sort of double amplifier... now ur attention is divided.... and u get bits of both d songs...

Ik pal ka jeena fir to hai jaana tension wension chod de bacha hoja fully faltu...

khaali haath aaye the hum aayi bala ko taal tu...

suddenly enuf of al dis....songs change almost sath-sath....wich my imaginative mind now makes it a War of Desi Dj'z...next piece of muzic to b mixd...

Daler Mehndi ka famous song "Haayo rabba" vs "Jab we met" ka "Nagada".

then out of the blu...the Jaat asks me..."konsa station aya hai bhaisahab" and apart frm his words i also get a gud amount of gaseous form of alcohol from his mouth n i get to knw d reason behind his Dj-ing talents... ;p i answer him n in few minutes he gets up n goes....leaving our Bhaiya the clear winner....which doesn't calms him down...instead next u listen to is some 90's ka gaana wen many songs sounded similar with music by either Nadeem-Shravan or Jatin-Lalit, singers mein to Udit Narayan or Kumar Sanu and Alka Yagnik or Kavita Krishamurthy...(i forgot the exact name of songs now, saaare same se hi lagte the). then another one and then aonther....

i even statrtd foot tapping to those songs...and i realised i ws the only one doing so, observing, njoying al this....everyone else in the metro cud not care less...i lukd at the winnner of the Dj war...the Bhaiya..n he ws buzy starting at his fone...maybe all these were video songs...maybe he ws bizy reading dirty msgs...;p or maybe he was watchin porn...n music was jst a cover up coz his free hand was so strategically placed....;p ;p kidding...dey were video songs....i saw it later....

the show was bout to end as i got up to get down at my station...and left the winner to himself....he moving towards his ecstasy and i moving towards escalators.

p.s. - iss kahani ke saare paatr kaalpanik nahi the....puri tarah se waastavik the....parantu...yeh saari meri kaalpnikta ka nateeja bhi ho sakti hai....kisi bhi vyakti ko nirasha ya dukh dene ki meri koi neeyat nahi thi....aur agar maine aisa kuch naa chahte hue bhi kiya hai to main kshama chahta hun. parantu aise aur teer chalaye jayenge ko kripya apni kursi ki peti baadh kar hi baithein.      dhanyawaad